Joan Jett, well-known for songs like “I Love Rock and Roll” and the band Joan Jett and the Blackhearts has a special place in my heart. I was fascinated by her and all that she stood for when I as a young Oklahoma teen in the 80′s discovered the Runaways, an American all-girl rock band. I liked everything that I imagined her to stand for, fierce independence, a powerful young female force to be reckoned with, wickedly, darkly, and beautifully edgy. And if truth be told she was probably the main reason I went through an all black clothing phase and to this day still love a heavy guitar rift.
As I grew up parts of her influence have always remained deep inside. I have a pension for metal chains, dark eye makeup, and if truth be told my hair for the past few years has been very Joan Jett shag like. But I’m a grown woman now with children, and a husband, and responsibilities that limit my Joan Jettesqueness to an occasional rock and roll blaze busting out of me in the middle of my living room much to the embarrassment of my children. My dressed in all black rebellion days of the past are far behind me.
However, years ago my husband I had an opportunity to see Joan Jett in concert, an opportunity I had never had living with very strict parents in Oklahoma. My husband worked for a major travel company, and at least once a year we headed to Las Vegas together for his work and our enjoyment. One of the major perks in working within the travel industry is that occasionally you get things like free tickets to amazing shows in Las Vegas. And while we were at one of our trips to Vegas my husband announced to me that he had scored tickets to see Joan Jett, tickets that I had asked him to purchase earlier that month. I was going to finally see Joan Jett live in all of her glory.
I was beyond excited, but when we got to the window the lady who was supposed to have tickets there waiting for us apparently did not do her job, the show was sold out, and I was denied seeing Joan Jett. I was heart-broken, and really I never got over it.
Earlier this year as I was doing my training run on a trail that runs right by River Spirit Casino in Tulsa, Oklahoma I saw a giant sign that said, “Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, Friday, November 18th.” I let out a yelp that about gave my running partner a heart attack. After telling her about my love affair with Joan Jett and my denied concert experience, knowing that the 18th was the day before my anniversary, I just knew the Joan Jett concert gods were looking down upon me and that this upcoming concert would be my chance to see Joan Jett live in all of her darkly hypnotic ferociousness. It would be fantastic.
I immediately called my husband and said, “For our anniversary (November 19th), Christmas, and my birthday (which follows in January) all I want is from you is to buy us tickets to see Joan Jett.”
His response? “OK.”
I reminded 2 more times in the following months to buy the tickets. He always said, “I got it.”
So a few weeks ago he said to me, “My company’s holiday party is November 18th this year. I know we had to spend our anniversary last year at the company party, and this year it is happening again, but I have not control over it. Please add it to your calendar.”
I replied, “I would love to, but that’s the night of the Joan Jett concert.”
There was a huge pause, and I looked up from my computer and saw his face.
He had not bought the tickets.
And when I went to buy the tickets myself later that day? They were sold out.
Sold.
Out.
Denied.
I was denied again.
DENIED!
Needless to say I was pretty irritated with my husband for this screw up of his. It happens a lot in married couples who have been married a long time; they become lazy. They forget to take the time to remember the one and only thing their spouses have asked for in years. They forget to take time to pay attention. They forget to take three minutes to order two tickets for one concert.
And in my anger I felt my inner Joan Jett emerging from the mist of my soccer mom trappings, busting at the seems, begging to be released and show the world her former glory as one of the “Queens of Noise.” And for a long time I thought about all of the options I could have if I would simply let her out to play.
I also thought about one more option.
It was the option to spend an exorbitant amount of money at the spa, come out feeling all mellow, and categorize this post under a pretty popular Twitter hashtag called #whitegirlproblems.
After all, there really is only one true Joan Jett. And I am not her.
“Queen of Noise” by The Runaways with a young Joan Jett
Until this year my daughter was a straight A’d student, and her experience with Oklahoma schools was great. I always attributed her success in school to her smarts and her self-discipline. She’s one of those kids that comes home, does her homework, and asks you to check it all without any prompting what so ever from an influencing adult. It’s pretty amazing. I’m almost jealous of that natural ability that she has.
So needless to say her father and I this year, 4th grade, when we checked her grades on-line for the first time we were shocked to see that she was suddenly flunking all of her tests. Sure she was getting perfect scores on her daily work, but her test scores were shocking. We contacted her teacher and her solution? “4th grade is a hard year. She needs to learn to study.”
I did not know how to respond to this as this teacher obviously did not know my child at all. So we set up a parent/teacher conference, and about 5 minutes in we got the “she needs to learn to study” comment again. That’s when I pulled out the tests we’d been collecting and showed that perhaps that it wasn’t that she needed to learn to study. Perhaps she was having reading difficulties as the questions she kept missing? They were styled exactly the same way. Then we got a “Maybe she has a processing disorder. I’ll watch her.”
A little while passed and nothing changed. So knowing the way the school system works I knew that if I really wanted anything done I had to contact the school counselor.
Warning: If you were unaware the school counselor acts in a similar way as the HR department in a corporation. On the outside they present themselves as there to help your child. But really helping children is their secondary function, and their main function is to protect the school. It is important that if you ever have experiences with the school counselor you know this fact.
When I contacted the school counselor, I told her about the fact that my super, self-disciplined daughter who loves school went from being a straight A’d student to flunking all of her tests. After receiving my e-mail the school counselor then called my super shy daughter who won’t talk to strangers in to talk to her before talking to me first. She asked her if there was anything in the classroom that bothered her, and of course my daughter says, “No.” She doesn’t know this lady. Why is she suddenly going to open up to her? She’s not.
The counselor then talks to my daughter’s teacher, and the teacher tells her that there might be a processing disorder. It is finally at this point that the counselor contacts me a couple of days after my e-mail. I tell her about my concerns once again. She tells me about what she’s learned from my daughter and her teacher, and she says that they are going to make up a TASK group for my daughter.
A TASK group is a group that basically consists of the school counselor, the child’s teacher, and two random teachers. They observe your child and look for ways to help your child improve in school.
After several months of observations, if my child has not improved the school moves to the testing stage to see if indeed my child has a processing disorder and needs an IEP. So basically my daughter’s school has figured out they can delay spending the money necessary to help my child through an IEP by putting forth a very, very long observation period. Meanwhile, they allow the child to flounder and get further and further behind. What a great solution that have developed to get past the fact that the Oklahoma government doesn’t give them enough money to function properly.
So the TASK group has been in place for a while now, and quite frankly I see no change what so ever in the way my daughter is being handled in the classroom. I have received zero communication from the school counselor. I have received minimal communication from the teacher, usually started by me. And at home she is studying 2-3 hours a night minimum just to keep up.
My daughter now cries on a regular basis calling herself “stupid,” and last night she told me that she doesn’t want to study any more, and she no longer cares if she passes her tests.
This “evaluation” process that her school as come up with to delay testing has broken her. And my once self-motivated, self-disciplined child? She’s gone, at least as far as school is concerned.
When talking to my husband last night about this situation he succinctly summed up the problem.
- My daughter was a self-confident, straight A’d student who loved school.
- My daughter is now flunking her tests, does not care about school, and calls herself “stupid.”
- We at home have done everything we know to do to help her.
- Half of the school year is over.
- We have not seen any change in the classroom since the school got involved.
- We are on the verge of permanent damage when it comes to school and her attitude about it.
- Her Oklahoma school needs to become active now in helping my child, not months from now.
So last night I sent another e-mail requesting an update from the counselor and her teacher. I offered the “I’m so stupid” comments up as a desperate plea hoping to tear at their heart-strings so that something would actually happen. Furthermore, I offered up my own plan for my daughter in the classroom as I feel like they are taking entirely too long to come up with something for my daughter themselves. Hopefully they’ll hear me, will care, and will take some action.
In the mean while I’m researching and talking to experts outside of Oklahoma trying to figure out what to do for my child. Call me cynical. But I just don’t trust that Oklahoma has my child’s best interest at heart.
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Update November 15, 2011: I talked to my daughter’s teacher the day that this posted. I ran into her at school as I was there to pick her up early for a doctor’s appointment. She was upset to hear about my daughter crying in the evenings, and verbally went over her science test with her verbally. She passed. She also offered to help to tutor her daily, so that she wouldn’t have to spend so much time at home studying. I was grateful to have this exchange with her, and was pleased to see that she was concerned.
I have yet to hear from the school counselor.
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